When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
