I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
