i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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