He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
