He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
