I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
