don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
