I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
