Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we made out on top of his cat.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
