wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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