I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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