we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
