I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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