i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
