why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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