My liver just broke up with me...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
