when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
