No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
