ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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