so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
