I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
