planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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