You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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