I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
