What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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