hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
