OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
