She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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