Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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