sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
