I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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