Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
