She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
