i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
