Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
