oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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