I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
