I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
