What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
