My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
