birth control should be required to get into college
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
