There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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