My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I AM VODKA MAN
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
