You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
