So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
