We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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