last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
