I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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