tonight lets celebrate not being married
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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