Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
