The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize