i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She even gives head with a lisp.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
