he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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