Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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