is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize