i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
