Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
