Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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