You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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