Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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