Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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