Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
