wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
