Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize