her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
