She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize