Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
