let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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