So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
