I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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